30 weeks pregnant

Time really is flying by this pregnancy. Our baby boy will be born before we know it.

It’s almost sad that it’s going so quickly, and it’s a funny thing to process because when I look in the mirror I love seeing my bump and how my body is accommodating a whole new life BUT this pregnancy has been a bit hellish, and uncomfortable.

Suffering with SPD has really stolen a lot of joy from the experience of growing my second born. At times it has been agonising. there have been days where the only positive thing I’ve managed to do is get out of bed. It’s a really horrible condition to suffer with and I genuinely wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

The spd is responsible for my disinterest in so much these days. I just don’t have the gusto for anything remotely physical. Getting the housework done is a huge challenge. I’ve not been able to walk the dogs for months now. Sitting down and just doing my nails seems like such a huge chore. Writing this blog seems pointless when I think about doing it regularly because what I have to say never particularly changes; I’m not really doing anything.

The one thing I am thankful for though is that I can still drive without pain. Even though getting in and out of the car is like an obstacle course, and obviously being out and about is difficult, even with my crutches, I still manage some form of freedom because I can drive. I do pop out and do some shopping if I can, at least on good days anyway. It’s nice having that freedom that I didn’t have just a few short months ago.

I do manage the house to a degree, more gets done on good days than bad. Anyone who knows me, knows that my mental health can be so detrimentally affected by the condition my house is in, that even though I may be in pain and struggling to get about, I fight through it to get what I can do, done. I have an inner thought that’s constantly like “what’s better, feeling shit physically, but being ok mentally, or feeling absolutely awful mentally but physically less in pain?”

My mental health will always win. Because there’s more chance of me suffering a panic attack if I DON’T tick things off my to-do list, than there is if I sit and allow my body to rest.

Over time I have found things that help. I no longer wear flat shoes, instead I wear a pair or running trainers or timberland-ish boots because they offer much more support. I sit on furniture with a pillow underneath me to soften the surface and I’ve been following the advice of my physiotherapist where I need to massage my legs, sit on a yoga ball and do some stretches. None of which I have a particular want to do, but I know if I don’t I am only letting myself down.

So…yeah…physically and mentally challenged at the moment. I keep thinking about how life will be easier when the baby is born and my body has had a chance to recover, ironically. At least I will be able to establish a routine and do things that I haven’t been able to do for months. Or at least that’s the dream.

In a nutshell, I begrudge the fact that my body is playing up because truthfully, and honestly, I’ve no doubt in my mind that this is my last pregnancy. It’s a miracle that I’m even pregnant at all, and it’s hindered by this silly condition. As I said, hard to process because I want to enjoy it, embrace it, and feel all the feels of an expectant mother, but I am almost wishing it away so that I can feel better. Which is unfair. And not in the slightest how I imagined me experiencing a pregnancy, if I was ever lucky enough to experience one again.

Down in bumpland, kaboodlebaby #2 is doing well. My bump is nice and big, lots of people are telling me that he’s going to be massive. We recently had a growth scan and his head was measuring 33weeks, his femur 27+5 and I was 28 weeks. So of course his body is now needing to catch up to his head. There’s been no cause for concern so far, which is great. So at least I don’t have to worry about him on top of dealing with the SPD. He’s moving a lot, which is both beautiful and annoying at the same time because his movements make the pain worse, and he’s head down, so I’m experiencing a lot of movement in the sides of my body which is uncomfortable. He’s laying in a position that means his butt is sticking out towards the front of my bump, and occasionally he will stretch and my belly goes all lopsided and I can make out his “peach.” As I said, beautiful and wonderful, and such a lovely privilege to feel, but uncomfortable and annoying at times lol.

I do love my bump though…

But there we go, I’m 30 weeks today. Just 10 short weeks left until he makes his entrance. A part of me believes he’s going to arrive early. I don’t know why, but I just have a feeling he might. That said, I could be talking through my arse and he could end up going over his due date. Either way, there’s not a lot of time left until his arrival and that’s a little scary, especially since we don’t have any furniture for him just yet πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I keep telling myself we’ll get there. I’m sure we will….we just need to get Christmas out of the way πŸ˜‚

As always, thanks for reading! Catch up again soon!

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